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Friday, 06 June 2008

Last Day of Class

Today is going to be the last lecture I will attend for my undergraduate education. My feelings and thoughts? Well, I suppose it hasn't quite hit me yet. But I'm sure that it's going to be a sad realization after the fact, when I'm sitting at home being a bum, working at some dead end job dreading the 9-5, gaining weight from sitting at a desk all day, given that that's what I will be doing.
First off, finals. Can't forget about the finals so quickly. I'm not quite done yet. Just one more week.
This brings me to start thinking about my senior year in high school, when I was supposed to start applying for college. I had no idea what I would want to study and had no intention of going to college. I was basically applying because going to college was "the next thing to do after high school" as a Chinese American kid. I had no ambitions and no real desire to get educated beyond high school. But I did it anyway just because it's the right thing to do and it's what all of my friends will be doing. Also because I had already taken my SATs, so might as well.
All in all, I can't say that I have ever regretted going to college. It was the most amazing experience. I met some great friends and learned about things that I would otherwise not have taken the time to learn on my own. I had a fair share of partying, bonding with roommates, cramming for tests, etc. Most importantly, my year abroad in Japan. I had the opportunity to meet people from other countries and being immersed in the only other culture I was familiar with besides the ones I was born and raised. How lucky am I to embody three different cultures and adding different pieces of each to create who I am today?
Anyway, I guess life as we know it begins in about two weeks. I'm scared as balls but hopefully I'll pull through. Well, I kind of have no choice.
I like how I'm trying to sound a lot more reflective than I've actually been. It's fun to do that sometimes.

Friday, 09 May 2008

Graduation is around the corner...

...and so is my death day. LAWL. Yah. I think I'd rather just shoot myself than to starve on the streets of La Jolla or Walnut. Just kidding. But in all honesty, I have no fucking idea what I'm gonna do after I graduate, and it is very likely that I will end up being a bum. Sad, but true. I am probably not qualified for any job (decent-paying ones, that is) out in the market right now. Fuck. I'm so fucking scared! I tried looking on Monstertrak and other such places but I am either not qualified or I am not interested. It's kinda hard. I wish I knew exactly what I wanted to do. This sucks.

Thursday, 24 April 2008

Nightmare at the Registrar

After a grudging second trip around campus, I was then redirected back to the Student Services Complex to pay the bogus $100 late fee--$50 of which is for late enrollment and $50 is for late registration, according to Brown (Assistant Vice Chancellor of Admissions and Enrollment).

"Registration in a quarter is a two-step process; students enroll in classes, but they are not officially registered until they pay fees," she said.

So, by that logic, students pay a fee in order to pay a fee. Apparently, they also pay a fee for forgetting to pay a fee on the original fee. Somewhere in northern California, the UC Board of Regents is laughing manically while its bank account becomes engorged with unnecessary taxes and students' tears.

An excerpt from The UCSD Guardian
Thursday, April 24, 2008

Monday, 28 January 2008

Thoughtless

I noticed that I'm a pretty reckless driver. I often change lanes or turn without looking. It would be unusual for me not to speed. I change songs on my ipod while I drive. I dunno. I haven't hit anyone/thing yet though, so that's good.
Today's kinda a weird day. I'm having a mixture of emotions that I can't really describe. Nostalgia? Depression? Loneliness? Things that could be taken care of had I not been who I am. I don't know if that makes sense but it does to me. Sometimes I wish I saw things differently. It would just be so much easier to not be so headstrong with certain things. People can be so much happier if they can just look at something from a different perspective. But they can't. And that's why people remain in a state of misery.
I'm taking some free classes with the Continuing Education Program. It might sound lame to some people but I really wanna know how to use photoshop...I've never owned the program and never knew how people do cool ass things to images. It might be kind of late in my college career to be doing this but I don't feel so bad when i see 40 year olds in my class. It's almost refreshing to know that even older people still have the desire to learn. I hope that I'll still be like that when I become 40, if I live that long.
Lately I've been feeling kinda old. I hang out with juniors. I mean, it's not such a bad thing, hanging out with them. It's usually really fun and I usually enjoy myself. But somehow it makes me feel inadequate. Especially when they make fun of me for not knowing certain things -.-". Most of the time I think they invite me because they pity me. They know I have no friends. How did I get myself into this pitiful situation anyway? I dunno, maybe by being gone for a year? And then there are people like Andrew Chan who I thought would forgive me for whatever I had done because I don't even know what I did and was completely shut out without explanation. (Haha, I hope he reads this because it'll be funny.) But I think he had already deemed me as one of the "bad friends" that he had gotten rid of so there's no turning back, I suppose. I don't know why I have suddenly started thinking about this. Maybe because I was talking to Danny today. About nothing in particular, but the mere act brings back some memories.
What's the use of thinking, anyway? It's not going to change things. I just wish I wasn't the way I am. Or it could be those premenstrual symptoms making their roundabouts.
Why do we focus so much on the people that don't care? It's like no matter how hard you try to make yourself a part of their life the more they don't want you in it. That goes for everyone. You may be shutting someone out of your life right now that desperately wants to be in it.
Why do people choose to sit alone in a classroom full of people? What's so hard about talking to the person next to you? Well, trust me, it's not easy. I'm just bad at conversing with people I recognize from the previous quarter. I want to get to know them but I get tongue-tied. Fuck that. I want to change. To think that I have not made a single friend being in this major...What are the chances? The same frichen people take all the same frichen classes. It's unfathomable. Yet here I am, complaining about how I don't know anyone in class. Another thing is, why does it matter so much that I don't know anyone? Who gives a shit? It's not like I need anyone's help on anything. I guess I can't be alone with myself. And that sucks. I'm hating what my personality is doing to my head. Stupid neurons that don't fire the way I want them to...

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

procrastination via updating blog

So I have a 5-page paper due for cosf 186 (film industry) tomorrow. I actually didn't start working on it just tonight. I started this past weekend. Which is kinda good for me because normally I would be starting at around 10pm the night before it was due. But since I have this class at 8am I kinda figured that I would be screwed if I started then. So anyway. The reason why I have decided to update about this is because when the readings were assigned, I didn't take the time to read them. And now that I actually have to employ them in my paper, I had to read them more thoroughly. And what I found out was that the readings are actually very interesting. Which made me regret not having read them sooner because it's usually easier to write a paper on something you actually find interesting. But anyway. Too late to say, right? So I really have no problem busting out five pages. The problem is I have so much that I want to write that it's kind of going to take a while. I'm already more than half done so I should be fine. I think this may be the first quarter I have ever found writing assignments to be fun. I guess I just took the right classes this time?
And yes, Dan still has the fro. He is so funny/dorky. I really like him :]. Except he kinda gave me a fucking B on my still picture project so that's depressing.
Back to the paper. Bye bye.